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Whatever Happened to Common Courtesy?

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Contributed by: Stephanie Johnson on 5/29/2008

Yesterday I was busily working on my novel when the doorbell rang. Several neighborhood kids were at the door, wondering if my husband, Greg " The Popsicle Man" Johnson, was home. I informed the kids he was at work so they asked me if they could have some popsicles. I returned with their favorite flavors and one asked if they could come in and hang out. I let them in, happy to interrupt my schedule and spend time with them. I poured some Kool Aid and dragged out the M-n-M's, and we chatted about school being out, plans for summer, report cards, etc.

One of the boys asked if we planned to throw another Halloween party for them and I told them yes. I excitedly told the kids my plans of having a "Block Party" this summer, where we'd all get to meet our neighbors, eat and play games, and how I was already in the planning stages with a neighbor friend. They were excited to hear the news. Then I asked the kids if they wanted to see the videos we took a month ago of Greg crashing on a bike and of one of the boys popping wheelies. They said yes so I pulled up YourHub to show them the videos.

About 15 minutes after arriving, one of the boys remembered he had a doctor's appointment, so he and his cousin left. The other boy and I proceeded to view the videos when the doorbell rang. Two women were standing outside when I looked up from my seat, and when I approached the door, I noticed the two kids who had just left were leaning against the wall with their heads down. I was happy to meet some of the parents, as I never see them outside supervising, let alone playing with their children. I recognized one of the women because I had introduced myself to her when she first moved in over a year ago, chatted with her and her sister who lives with her, and saw them frequently at the Curves where I was a former member.

Instead of being greeted with a smile and a friendly introduction, the woman barked at me, "Has my child been in your house?" "Yes," I said, confused at her behavior. She yelled, "I've been looking for her for over an hour! She is not allowed in anyone's house! I don't care who you are or what you're offering, she is NEVER allowed in anyone's house!" I was taken aback at the woman's tirade, and even her child cowered next to her.

I informed the woman, "Ma'am, she was only in my home for about 15 minutes so I don't know where she was the rest of the time." I didn't want to get the girl in trouble, but I also didn't want to be falsely accused of having her in my home all that time. I looked at the girl but she kept her head down, not daring to look up--I couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

It was as if the mother didn't hear me and she continued yelling at me. I stared at her blankly and simply said, "Okay," after she finished. The other woman whose name I knew jumped in, repeating what the first woman said. Keep in mind that these children have been in my home numerous times and never mentioned what their mother's rules were, so I was shocked at their reactions. The first woman yelled at her daughter and told her in not-so-nice language to get in the car, and they left.

Some time later, more kids came for popsicles. After getting the kids to promise they would put their litter in the Dumpster when they were done, I started to hand them out. The second woman who had just yelled at me drove up in her white SUV, got out of her car, and headed to my door. "Is it true you have pictures of our kids on your computer?" I handed out another popsicle, "Yes." I admitted. She threw her hands up in the air, "Don't you know it's illegal to take pictures of kids without their parents' permission?" "No, I didn't." I answered honestly.

"I don't know who you are! You could be taking porn pictures of my kids!" she yelled. The girl standing outside my door raised her eyebrows. Not knowing what would ever give her that idea about me, I told the woman, "I assure you, I have never taken porn pictures of any child. You're welcome to come inside and see the pictures I have." She screamed, "It's illegal! I'm calling the police!"

By now she was walking back to her vehicle, so I asked, "Have I done something to offend you?" She yelled, "You don't have kids! You don't know what it's like!" I corrected, "I beg your pardon, ma'am, but my husband and I have eight children, so I do know what it's like. You're welcome to come over any time and meet us and get to know us." (Remember that I introduced myself to her when she first moved in, plus I say hi to her when I see her outside or at Curves--I guess she had forgotten.) "I'm sending the police!" she yelled, slammed her door, and sped off.

The young girl looked at me and said, "Wow, she sounded mad." I agreed, "I'm not sure what I did to make her so mad." The girl responded, "Well, you and Greg are always nice to me! So I'll be back, don't worry."

An hour and a half later, a police officer rang my doorbell. "You probably know why I'm here," he said as I stepped outside. I smiled, "Yes, I do." He said he had already spoken with the other women about what happened, assured me that I wasn't doing anything illegal, but recommended that in the future, if any kids want to come inside, that I have them call their parents for permission first. "Well, to tell you the truth, I don't think we'll be letting any kids in our house from now on."

We chatted a bit longer, I told him how the kids come over all the time, my husband repairs their bikes, we pass out sodas and popsicles and throw parties for the kids and pay for everything out of our own pockets (even have bake sales and collect aluminum cans to help fund the expenses). The officer seemed impressed, but I said it was all to be friendly.

Now I'm wondering if I should even bother with the Block Party? I mean, why did these women have to come to my house, curse me out, yell at me (and at their children too), accuse me of taking pornographic pictures of their kids, and cause an ugly scene? The much more adult way to have handled this would have been to introduce themselves, explain to me what their family rules are, ask me to call them if their kids ever wanted to come inside in the future, and chat and get to know me.

My husband and I are simply trying to reach out to these kids who are left to play outside all day long. No parents, no supervision, nothing. Earlier this week, I was walking my dog at 10:30 at night and there were several kids playing in the courtyard, no parents in sight. The oldest were maybe 8-10 years old; the youngest about 4-6.

I admit I was wrong in not having them call their parents, regardless that they were only in my home for 15 minutes and regardless that they've been over numerous times before. I taught my kids to check in every 30 minutes, call if they went to a friend's house, be home by the time the street lights came on, or get permission to go anywhere with anyone (of course, they grew up in a safer neighborhood). They complied. If they got caught up in the moment and forgot, I didn't take it out on the unsuspecting parent! I reiterated to my child what they were supposed to do and made every effort to befriend the parents, not threaten them or curse them out.

When I called my husband to tell him what happened, he announced, "No more popsicles, no more sodas, no more parties, no more bike repairs!" I told him that wasn't a good way to look at this. He argued, "That's all we need is for some crazy neighbor to sue us for trying to be nice to their kids!" "Well, Honey," I offered, "perhaps we don't let those kids come over. I don't want to single them out, but it's not fair to the rest of the kids that they suffer for two women's actions." "No," he disagreed, "no one comes over anymore. We can't take that chance."

So is this the "death" of the Popsicle Man? Being the eternal optimist I am, I hope not. But it's instances like these that make me not want to reach out. Should all the kids suffer because of the two mothers' actions? Whatever happened to getting to know your neighbors? Common courtesy? Should I extend an invitation to the women to come over for dinner so we can resolve our differences, get to know each other, build trust and start over with a clean slate?

"Being nice" is a lost art.

I'd appreciate any feedback, opinions, or advice.

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Showing 1-5 of 5 comments

Submitted By: Stephanie Johnson

posted on 6/10/2008 @ 2:07:42 PM

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Just an update--the bike of the child of the mother who accused me of taking porno pictures was in our garage for repairs. Greg had the boy take it home the next day without fixing it since he didn't want to cause any trouble. That night, the bike was next to the dumpster. What a shame that she has to be like that!

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Submitted By: Earl Chang

posted on 6/7/2008 @ 2:27:37 PM

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Hey Stephanie! I would have commented earlier but I was on vacation and didn't see this until now. Anyway keep doing what you're doing, you didn't do anything wrong. You and Greg are wonderful and to stop what you're doing would give up what you enjoy doing. We're still a minority, but nice people are out there! :)

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Submitted By: Kathy Hollingsworth

posted on 6/6/2008 @ 3:12:18 PM

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Wow! It is amazing how some parents do not take responsibility for their own children. You were only trying to be nice to the neighborhood kids and these mothers freak. They even went as far as accusing you of being a pedophile!! How outrageous! You know this is about them and not you. It is easier to point the fingers at others than acknowledge you are not being a prudent parent. I say to keep reaching out to the kids. You and your husband should continue being the giving people you are. You acknowledged that you should have had the children call their parents. That was your only mistake and it was minor. I could understand if you never want to speak to these women again. Of course being the bigger person you could reach out to them again and try to resolve this for the children's sake. Based on their previous behavior it probably won't work but it is worth a try. It is possible that they were scared when they couldn't find their children.

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Submitted By: Douglas Rule

posted on 6/6/2008 @ 4:07:19 AM

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Unfortunately, I know a someone just like this woman. When her Prozac wears off, she acts just as rude as that, often becoming violent. She does not take responsibilities for her actions, always someone else's fault. Calls the police on people. Barb is right. These "parents" shouldn't hold you accountable for their children's wrongdoing, but then the only person they would have to blame is themselves! As for the kids out, unsupervised late at night---this is something the police should be involved in. That young, depending on where you are, is breaking the law. I would say to still be nice to the neighborhood kids, because it appears that these mothers aren't being nice to them. No wonder they escape! Don't let these...drag you down to their level.

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Submitted By: Barb Gilbert

posted on 6/5/2008 @ 4:26:34 PM

(Not Rated)

Children need to held accountable for their actions. If parents set down rules, then children either choose to follow them or choose the consequence. By coming to you in front of her child the way she did only embarrased them both. Parents need to follow through and quit making excuses for their children's actions. It is not your responsibility to find out the guidelines each parent has set up for each child in your neighborhood. Your husband does have a point - don't set yourself up to be a "punching bag" for the neighborhood parents. If they called the police once, they'll do it again. If they came to your door ranting and raving, they'll do it again. Sad, isn't it?

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Showing 1-5 of 5 comments

CONTRIBUTOR INFO

Stephanie Johnson

Colorado Springs , CO

Stephanie Johnson has posted 90 stories and 141 comments since joining on 8/9/2007. Stephanie Johnson 's average story rating is 5.

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