This is the first story in my "Inspiring Women" Series.

What does a woman do when her whole life falls apart after she discovers her spouse of almost 35 years has been unfaithful and is an alleged thief? To whom does she turn when she realizes that the man she thought she married never existed and is someone totally different than who he portrayed himself to be? Where does she go when he begins to act violent towards her?

Those are the questions that Helene C. faced in her own marriage five years ago when she discovered the secret life of her former spouse. He had been the only man she had ever been with, meeting at the tender age of 14 and marrying him while still in college. Helene considered her marriage a "troubled" relationship, but she didn't know how far the abuse and manipulation extended until she discovered his double life. He wasn't the "holy man" he made himself out to be.

Being the firstborn of eight children growing up in Westfield, Massachusetts meant that Helene was the "trailblazer." She was the first in her family to graduate from high school and college, and her parents used her as an example to encourage her siblings, "If Helene can do it, you can too!" At 13 years old, she landed her first job on a tobacco farm, and at 16, she got a job after school as a part-time bookkeeper at a stationery store. Like many things in her life, she made decisions and acted upon them as if the rest of the family depended on her. She didn't get a lot of affirmation growing up as a child; however, when she was given a responsibility, she "simply did it."

Helene remembers being a shy child until 6th grade, when her class was having a bake sale to help finance a class trip. The sale was scheduled to coincide with Election Day to increase the flow of people to "the goodies" as they entered and exited the polls. She remembers feeling very anxious, but her classmates were counting on her to direct the customers. Afterwards, not only did she discover that it was easier to talk to strangers than she thought, but she found out later that several people had paid her compliments about how bold and professional, yet friendly, she had been. It was an event that changed the way she approached life as she began to see everyone as equals.

Doing the right thing has always been a number one priority in Helene's life. While attending college in the 60's, she was faced with a tough decision when she discovered her roommate had marijuana in their dorm room. Helene advised her roommate to get rid of the pot, but she refused. Helene went to the Resident Assistant to report it, hoping to avoid getting her roommate into trouble. The Resident Assistant later called the roommate in for a discussion which resulted in her roommate immediately disposing of the marijuana. The roommate never questioned Helene and Helene never told anyone what she had done. At graduation, a mutual friend confronted Helene to see if she was the "informant," whereupon Helene calmly asked why she suspected her. "Because," the friend answered, "we all tried to tell her and she wouldn't listen. You were the only one who had guts enough to do the right thing and not make a big deal out of it." Helene doesn't see the incident as anything out of the ordinary; it just had to be done to save her roommate from her own bad decisions.

Several mottos guide Helene's life: "What you see is what you get," "Say what you mean and mean what you say," and she laughs as she recalls Al Yankovich's song title, "I'll be mellow when I'm dead." Helene thinks that life is good, even though bad things sometimes happen. She believes that lying and pretending take too much energy, so she has always lived her life as honestly as possible. Devastated after she found out the truth about her former spouse, she considers herself fortunate because in many cases when a double life is exposed, the situation can become deadly.

Why did Helene stay in her abusive marriage so long? She took her vows seriously and was determined to live them out. She believed a person's word was their bond--that you keep your vows and promises forever--but when her former spouse wanted her to stay and live the façade he had created, she told him, "I can't live a lie. You are not truthful and I can't trust you. A relationship cannot survive without trust."

With a Bachelor's of Science in education and fast approaching retirement age (she turned 60 in January), Helene had to focus on what she could do. Her former spouse had always told her she was "old and ugly," insisted she was "too old" to succeed in college, threatened her with numerous letters from his attorney, took her to court at least a dozen times, called her college trying to find out information about her...but that didn't stop Helene from going on to earn her Master's of Arts degree in counseling with honors from Regis University.

Helene put together her life skills, past experiences, and ability to listen to find her calling. Linda Osterlund, Helene's faculty advisor at Regis, nominated Helene for "Outstanding Student" and wrote in her nomination letter, "[Helene] has overcome many personal obstacles, and is incredibly bright and resourceful, which are qualities that make her an excellent counselor." When Helene announced to her friends that she was going to become a counselor, one friend commented, "You're finally going to get paid for something you've been doing for free all your life." Another 70-year-old friend told Helene, "You've got moxie!"

Moxie, inspiration, ambition, persistence, nerve, assertiveness, independence, level-headedness, determination...whatever you call it, Helene has it in spades. She attributes her success to her faith in God and tremendous outpouring of prayers and concern from family and friends. Helene considers the incredible influence a counselor wields as a huge responsibility, but she says, "To be invited to join someone on their life's journey is an honor. I accompany them for awhile, but I don't carry their pack. They do the work, they heal themselves...I'm just a guide."

Helene overcame a troubled marriage, a nasty divorce, and her age to become an inspiration to many. She refused to become a "statistic" by playing the victim. She took charge of her life, earned her Master's, and opened her own counseling office, Beacon of Hope Counseling, Inc. She is proof that God never wastes a hurt or an experience, and has used the comfort received from Him to comfort others.

I, for one, will be cheering loudly as Helene walks across the stage at the Pikes Peak Center on May 10, 2008, to accept her degree, with honors. She's living proof that you can't keep a good woman down!

For more information about Beacon of Hope Counseling, Inc., or to schedule an appointment, please call 719-432-9350.