It is a dog. After all is said and done - it really, really is still a dog. A cute, beautiful, well-bred for 20 generations, perfect teeth, perfect gait, perfect hips, perfect eyes, perfect everything dog. All that aside - it still pees on the hotel furniture, barfs up grass in the crate, whines all night and harasses hishalf-sister until she's so mad she bites him. It's Dutch. And now he is my 17th show champion. He picked up his final point this past weekend in Garden City, Kansas. It was not a fanfare-filled event, just a regular old in-the-middle-of-nowhere dog show.

Unfortunately the glamorousness of the dog show world captured on television and in fiction somewhat soft-coats the actual grinding hard work of accomplishing wins with consistency. The day-to-day normalcy of these dogs is easily forgotten under the lights and camera. I suppose some people might be able to transcend into the realm where they can actually train and socialize their dogs out of their dogness, but mine are still Canis familiaris and haven't approached morphing into a sub-primate species.

Remember, after all is said and done, a dog is a dog, they're not people. They don't think they're people. They don't think like people. Jerry Seinfeld had a good joke discussing how we're the ones picking up the dog poop with the bag. Aliens must think dogs rule the planet given that one fact alone. I am pretty handy with the inside out baggy trick. I can still feel the stares of the people whizzing by in their cars thinking, "geeze, glad it's not me." I can even do it while holding on to two pulsating hunting dogs who've spotted a squirrel a block away. There are no awards for these feats, maybe just a few bucks for someone who might have caught the whole thing on video.

Another great difference between dogs and people would be the use of their bodily fluids. People don't consider urine a weapon of spite, a means to leave a trail back home, a business card or a date invitation. Although, dogs really know how to make the most of something they have a single constant supply of. Pee is their personal Blackberry text messenger, though "downloading" has a few more consequences than in the digital world.

Dutch learned the hard way in our hotel room that there are consequences for random leg lifting. After hosing the corner of the bed skirt, I tied my unruly tike to the doorknob on a 4' leash so I could keep an eye on him 100% of time. I would have put him in the crate, but Heidi, hishalf-sister, was so fed up with her bro, she wouldn't come out until dinner.

Heidi comes with her own brand of strangeness. This dog thinks the whistling wind is going to kill her and will hide and shake for hours. I have a lot of fun Heidi stories to tell another time. She sees things in the world quite differently; perhaps she is the first canine schizophrenic.

It was not all bad news for the Dutch-boy though. I bought him a celebratory cheese and meat hamburger from Sonic on our way back from the show grounds. I tore it into little pieces, giving him about ¾ and Heidi the other part. Dutch ate it one little tiny bit at a time. I have never seen such pickiness when it comes to a real live hamburger and a dog. Any normal dog would have just inhaled it in two bites! It's nice to know though, if I bought the pooch caviar, he'd at least take the time to taste it. Dutch even pouted when I left him in his crate on Sunday to give my friend's dog a shot at the point.

We are off to Scottsbluff, Nebraska in a few weeks ... he won't have to wait very long to be a show dog again. Only this time he will be competing as a finished champion. There is a lot less tolerance for antics at that level - it should be interesting. Um...yes... interesting, perhaps in the Chinese sense.