by Michael J. Pach
"If you are going to cry, at least look pretty."
These are words that Tara Benson, 1st Squadron, 10th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Family Readiness Group, heard many times from her grandmother Theresa "Tess" Cunningham Brown.
Tess was a large boisterous woman with a gravelly Philadelphian accent. Tess felt that it looked terrible for a woman to pull out a crumpled used tissue from her pocket and pull it apart to blow her nose or wipe away her tears, so she insisted that Benson have a decorative handkerchief with her whenever she left the house.
"She (Tess) said that everybody sneezes and everybody cries, so you should look pretty if you're going to have a runny nose or cry," said Benson. "She would push these handkerchiefs on me as I was walking out the door, and I thought she was crazy. I would fight with her saying I didn't want it but would take one so I would not hurt her feelings."
It wasn't until years later that Benson's view of her grandmother's handkerchiefs changed.
Benson recalled a time when her mother came to visit her in California and the two of them went to see a tear-jerker movie. Benson grabbed two handkerchiefs from her dresser drawer before leaving for the theater, which turned out to be a good decision. The two women continued crying when they returned. Benson thought she recognized the handkerchief her mother was using from a photo of her on a train to John F. Kennedy's funeral. He mother informed her that it belonged to Benson's aunt. She looked at the handkerchiefs in Benson's drawer and shared stories of the previous owners. The stories made Benson realize how pretty yet strong the squares of cloth were and how long they've lasted.
Benson said she once gave a handkerchief to a woman she saw crying hysterically who was waiting for a car at an airport. Even though the woman didn't say thank you and drove off with the handkerchief, Benson said that she got a good feeling, thinking that her grandmother was able to wrap her arms around someone and give her a hug.
"It (a handkerchief) is something so delicate and so pretty, but it holds up to a lot. And when it looks horrible, you just throw it in the wash and you iron it and it's good to go again," said Benson. "The more I looked at them, the more I realized how a delicate yet strong handkerchief represented the military wife. We're all very beautiful in our own way. Some of us have scars and a lot of these handkerchiefs have burn marks or stains on them. But that only proves how much it has been through and yet it still survives.
"And how true is that of military wives? These handkerchiefs are just like us. We can endure so much and we can laugh and we can also cry with one another, but when we're going to cry or when we just need something stronger to hold onto than a piece of tissue, don't we deserve something beautiful?"
Benson handed out a lot of handkerchiefs on Sept. 11. She handed out 200 more at a Fort Carson Protestant Women of the Chapel retreat for military wives whose husbands were going off to fight the newly declared war on terrorism.
Benson moved to FortCarson in September 2003 and began handing out handkerchiefs to the women in her FRG during memorials. She quickly extended this courtesy to the Family members of fallen Soldiers and eventually started leaving a hat box stocked with about 75 decorative hankies for the women and 30 plain white ones for the men at Soldiers' Memorial Chapel. FRG members also began giving handkerchiefs to Families at casualty notifications.
By this time Benson was affectionately known as "the crazy handkerchief lady" and the Fort Carson PWOC approached her, suggesting that a handkerchief be given to each new PWOC member. Benson agreed and Operation Strong Squares was born.
Benson started spreading the word about the program and posted a letter on the Internet asking people to donate handkerchiefs. The news spread fast and handkerchiefs started coming in from all over the country. Benson hopes Operation Strong Squares will eventually be an Armywide program run through chaplain offices.
"Many people around the country want to help the troops but they can't afford to or are not comfortable sending money to charitable organizations, so this is a simple and easy way they can help," said Benson. "There's no money exchange, it's just a simple passing down of strong, delicate-looking handkerchiefs from one woman to another."
Benson has turned over responsibility for Operation Strong Squares to the staff at Soldiers' Memorial Chapel and asks that only handkerchiefs be sent and not money. She also requests that donors include their name and address so she can send a "thank you" note. Benson said she would also return any hand-painted handkerchiefs that are valuable antiques.
"She (Tess) passed away and I never actually did get the chance to tell her that many families have benefited from her being so abrasive and pushy, but I think she's getting a good laugh," said Benson.
More information about the program will be posted on the FortCarson Web site at http://www.carson.army.mil/Chaplain. Anyone with questions can e-mail Benson at b_t_benson@yahoo.com and put "Operation Strong Squares" in the subject line. To donate handkerchiefs, deliver them to Soldiers' Memorial Chapel, 1500 Martinez St., Fort Carson, CO 80913.