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WPC 8 Perpetuates Racism

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Contributed by: Theresa Null on 4/19/2007

My Friends,

You know the feeling: shock, hurt, keeping back the tears.

Something is wrong.

As I told you before: when something is wrong, don't let it pass by.

Something is wrong.

I went to the White Privilege Conference yesterday, Wed. 18 Apr 07. I looked at the five offerings and found one that resonated with me. Item IV: What's in it for us? An Institute for People of Color.

The description of the focus sessions was: "in this institute we will investigate the consequences of working with white people who are struggling to come to terms with white privilege. Join us as we explore (1) the collective experience of working with white people and other persons of color on anti-racism; (2) the ways in which sexism and homophobia compound the challenges of anti-racism; and (3) the strategies people of color can use to be more supported and empowered as they work with white people and other people of color. This will alow people of color to experience a greater sense of safety and trust, and for white people to have enhanced opportunities for learning."

Wow, sounds great, just what I needed. I deal with White people all the time. They're everywhere. They really don't get it. Good folks, well-meaning folks. In explaining things to my fellow students at UCCS, to my husband, to people on the campaign trail, I have been shocked, hurt, and close to tears.

The most confusing question to me has been when people ask, "Why do you say 'White' people? You're not Black." That's true, I'm not Black.

In the past year I have been struggling with how I appear to others on the outside and how I feel on the inside. As I look in the mirror, I see what they see. I look White.

I was so lucky in the Army. When skin color issues came up, there was a chain of command to deal with it. Even if I had to go to the Commanding General of a post, I believed that eventually someone in my chain of command would help me. And for you Army folks out there, yes, I've been to the CG of many a post, some issues even higher.

The issues of skin color have recked havoc, real pain in my original family. See, my mom was born brown and rejected by my grandfather. My grandmother yielded to him and put my mom in a children's "home." I ended up a ward of the state of Pennsylvania at the age of one. I tried to find my original family and quickly learned that I did not have the "right" skin color. I didn't "match." I knew I wasn't White. I knew I wasn't Black because the Black kids threw snowballs at me and their moms yelled at me when I walked into their neighborhood. I knew I wasn't Italian, Greek, or Puerto Rican. My young mind decided I didn't need any of them. I felt it was their fault - adults - who bred me and rejected me. So, there! I found comfort in what we now call "diverse" neighborhoods. Sure, there were racists: Black, White, Korean, Latino and etcetera. My community rejected racists. I was home.

Yesterday brought all that pain to the surface. Now, close to 20 hours after the incident I still fight back the tears. Shortly after sitting down in this forum, Jorge Zeballos and Robin Parker asked me out into the hallway and asked me to leave. When I asked why, I was told it was because this forum was for people of color. "Do [I] consider myself a woman of color?" I thought about it. "No, I don't consider myself a woman of color." I was incredulous at having been asked. But I really needed to attend this forum so I could learn how to deal with White people. They called me White and asked for my racial pedigree like I was some sort of horse or dog with a breed name like New Foundland or something. I insisted that I was human. And then, I could feel the tears well up in me. All the names I was called as a child {which this Web site won't allow me to write}. All the pain my mother went through, my family went through, all my fears for my children bubbled to the surface. I could hardly contain myself. How could have I let my armor down? Why did I feel that I would be "safe" at a conference talking about racism? Man, I'm really stupid! Racism is everywhere - even at a conference designed to end it.

I called my sponsor, Rosemary Harris from Colorado Springs NAACP. Rosemary consoled me - it was the forum facilitators that were ignorant, not me. Yesterday night the WPC 8 event coordinators asked me to talk with the forum coordinators: Pamela Smith-Chambers, Robin Parker, & Jorge Zeballos. Nothing was "resolved." Basically, the forum coordinators stated that indeed, to them, I was White and therefore not welcome at their forum. I would have detracted from the safe harbor that the forum would offer for people of color. At one point I had to correct them, "Please stop calling me White." Again I was asked about my pedigree and still they called me "White." How do I feel - do I identify with being a Woman of Color, White, or whatever?

Actually, this is a very personal question because I have been confronted with my whitish skin by my husband who also asks me "Why do you call them 'White' people, you're white?" And for the pastsix months I've been looking in the mirror and trying to see how other people see me. At first look, I look white.

Pamela, Robin, & Jorge seemed to want me to declare myself "White" or a "Woman of Color." I told them I felt like I was nothing, that I didn't belong to a racial group. Really, I don't identify myself with a racial group. But that doesn't make me "nothing."

More and more I see how the effects of slavery in America continue to control us. Slavery in America eventually became to mean Black slaves. Americans identified slaves by their skin color. After slavery ended, Americans continued to "enslave" people and continued to use skin color to segregate us. The civil rights movements used the same skin color designations in the fight for countless civil rights. Today that fight continues. Who else uses skin color designations? To me, it seems like everybody does: on government forms, racist literature like from the KKK, people in everyday speech, people looking for an identity based on skin color, and etcetera.

And guess what? We still have racism today - even at the White Privilege Conference which is designed to end racism.

And guess what? I'm still not "White" and I'm still not a "Woman of Color."

From my feelings yesterday and my thinking last night and this morning, I have decided that I REFUSE to support RACISM by identifying myself through my skin color.

You can call me Theresa.

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Showing 1-4 of 4 comments

Submitted By: Theresa Null

posted on 5/7/2007 @ 1:07:37 AM

Rated Story

Kelly, This was personal. If event coordinators had the "colored" "white" "off-white" and a paint chip strip at each door, then the racist structure of the conference would have been easy to see. I found many of the other forums valuable, despite my hurt feelings. The youth video seemed to capture what many adults do not: children proclaiming their ethnic and cultural heritage and one child choosing not to identify herself via ethnicity. I invite you to join the NAACP to work towards a more inclusive society. Thank you, Theresa

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Submitted By: Kelly Murphy

posted on 5/5/2007 @ 2:49:14 PM

(Not Rated)

As a person of white privilege and an attendee of the full conference, I find it most unfortunate that what sounds like a personal issue has been used to broadbrush a truly beneficial event. For all intents and purposes, you have moved through American society as a white person. Therefore, I am a bit confused at your outrage in being asked to leave a forum that was intended for individuals who experience society from a person of color's perspective; a perspective that a white person could not possibly know. As to how this situation was handled, in my opinion, no one who was not there should be commenting on whether it was appropriate or not. I will say however, that a hurt such as yours would have to play a role in how you interpreted the chain of events and that perhaps more important than trying to understand the external racial issues affecting our society (which I highly commend) you should repair what it happenening internally first.

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Submitted By: Theresa Null

posted on 4/26/2007 @ 2:20:24 PM

Rated Story

Raymond, Thank you for your support. I hope Colorado Springs continues to discuss racism and confront it wherever and however it appears. Theresa

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Submitted By: Raymond Lee

posted on 4/26/2007 @ 10:01:04 AM

Rated Story

I would like to thank you Theresa for your story about the White Privilege Conference. It was a wonderful read although sad. Like you, I too wonder where skin color fit into our everyday events of trying to improve our lives. I really am sorry that you had to experience what i have come to call reverse racism. The sad thing is, most people of color don't consider it racism, they look upon it as some sort of right, or obligation to their own race, some may even consider it their just reward. Another sad thing, and probably the most hurtful to me as a man of color is, the people who asked you to leave, probably truly believe they were doing the right thing. As you said..."Ignorance"

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Showing 1-4 of 4 comments

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Theresa Null

Colorado Springs , CO

Theresa Null has posted 147 stories and 12 comments since joining on 1/14/2007. Theresa Null 's average story rating is 5.

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