The other night I talked to my mom in Michigan. She was packing up boxes for the donations truck. After a long conversation with Mom, it dawned on me that it seems we spend half our lives accumulating stuff, and the other half of our lives (trying to) get rid of stuff.

Mom is in her 60s, in excellent health, thanks to good genes and good lifestyle. Dad is almost 80 and was in excellent health, too, until he suffered a series of strokes a few years ago. Now Dad has a very hard time getting around and Mom is very concerned for his safety, especially getting up and down the stairs in a rather large home. Mom is a tiny lady and Dad is pretty tall; if Dad falls down, Mom isn't able to pick him up.

So my parents have decided it would be a good idea to downsize. After an extensive remodel of their home, Mom and Dad are selling the place and moving into a retirement community that sounds like a very nice place, with medical providers and facilities within the community, shops, theatres, walking, hiking, independent living in brand new cottages, semi-independent living later on, and skilled nursing care much later on. There's a computer lab, library, movie theatre, any number of clubs and things to do, what sounds like very good care, and even a deliberately vacant apartments in the community for visitors to stay. All in all it seems like a nice place, my parents are the ones making the decision, and me and my siblings feel comfortable that the amenities and care provided there is excellent.

Mom tells me it's liberating to get rid of years and year's worth of accumulated items, most of which have been boxed up in the basement for years. She doesn't even know what's in those boxes and doesn't really care. She's happy that somebody who might need these items will get them and put them to good use. It's less work for her to keep track of and now she doesn't have to spend days moving items around when the basement floods. Mom has been downsizing for years, choosing to spend her time after retirement doing the things she enjoys, like visiting with friends, traveling, clubbing (no, not that kind of clubbing!) instead of dusting and rearranging items in her home.

Dad, on the other hand, isn't having a very easy time of it all. Dad is loath to pack up anything, including boxes and boxes of paperwork. Dad is realizing that he'll never mow the lawn again or clean out the gutters ever again. Dad is happy in his home and although he has made the choice to move to a smaller home, he's going to miss his office, his kitchen, his bedroom, and even his neighbors. Dad's going to miss the cardinals that come to his birdfeeders every day and the snowy owl he sees from time to time. Dad might even miss raking leaves.

This is a hard time for our entire family. Although we're happy that Mom and Dad are making the choice and decision themselves, having the luxuries of time and a good financial planner, and not a potentially difficult situation if we "kids" had to make these decisions, we are realizing that not only are Mom and Dad getting older, but so are we.

As we get older ourselves and as our friends get older as well, we have seen the difficulties that arise when family members have to make tough choices for a loved one. We worry about our parents and realize they're not going to be here forever. We're very keenly interesting in knowing who's going to be taking care of them and how. I guess we always thought that when Mom and Dad got older they'd be staying with us. And we were pretty happy with that situation. We just didn't realize until a few weeks ago we are at that point already. Mom and Dad don't want us to worry so they keep some things from us.

So this is a bittersweet time for us. Good and not so good at the same time. Mom and Dad are pretty independent people so they're making their own choices and it doesn't look like they're coming to stay with any of us "kids."

After talking with Mom, again I realize how wise she is. I look around me at my clutter, at the little things I thought I just had to have and couldn't live without, and think about what a wise little lady from Manitoba (Mom) told me; that's it all just stuff and we can't take it with us.